5 Things I’ve Learned in 5 Years of Marriage

I just celebrated my 5-year wedding anniversary last week and I still have a hard time believing its already been five years since we said: “I Do”. In some ways, it has dragged but in most ways, it has flown by! In honor of this special anniversary, I wanted to share with you five of the biggest things I’ve learned in the last five years of being married. I hope that these tips will help you in your own relationship journey.

1. Communication is Key

Through good times and bad, communication is so important. In the heat of the moment, communication is quick to go out the window. But when the dust settles and the anger clears being able to talk and work through your issues is huge.

Miscommunication and assumptions can put a huge damper on your relationship. Learning how to communicate and how your partner understands your words is essential to helping you speak to each other and not just at each other.

2. Compromising is Essential

In all good relationships compromising is a must. You aren’t going to get along 24/7 and that is completely normal. When big disagreements come up finding common ground and a compromise is key to a happy relationship. No one can get their way all the time. Both you and your partner will have to compromise to make the other happy.

Whether it’s picking a baby name, what to eat for dinner, or friends to have in your life — you will have to compromise and so will your spouse. The big disagreements can be harder to find a compromise you’re both happy with so you may have to give more sometimes and vice versa.

3. Growth is Inevitable

You will grow. Sometimes together, sometimes separately. The important thing is to keep your connection alive. You will have different interests and dreams and that is ok. Your differences are probably a big reason why you fell for each other in the first place. But you don’t want to grow too far apart to where you can’t find your way back together or worse, that you don’t want to come back from. So while you embrace the growth in your life make sure to still bring your spouse along for the ride with you.

4. Forgiveness is a Must

Holding onto grudges and disagreements will not serve you or your relationship. Life is too short to pick fights and stay mad. Staying mad takes too much energy. Choosing to forgive even when you don’t want to will bring you unexplainable peace. Being the bigger person isn’t always easy but it is always worth it.

Whether you have a big fight or a little one, choosing to forgive one another is a must. Take responsibility for your actions too by asking for your spouse’s forgiveness for your actions. Don’t let grudges grow and don’t let bitterness sweep in. Choose forgiveness.

5. Choosing Each Other is Crucial

One of the biggest reasons marriages fail is that one or both parties just give up. Love is a choice. Like all good things, it takes work. During the good and the bad, you choose each other. In sickness and in health, you choose each other. For better or for worse, you choose each other. When you stop choosing each other and stop putting in the work that’s when things fall off the rails.

The reality is that you’re not always going to like your spouse. They’re going to get on your nerves and drive you crazy at times. And the fact is you can’t change them. The only person you can change is yourself. Instead of focusing on the things you can’t change and the things that annoy you, focus on what you can be doing better and the things that you love about your partner. Marriage is a serious commitment and it requires you to keep choosing your partner over and over again, not just once on your wedding day.

Let’s face it marriage is not always roses and chocolates. There are tough days but anything worth having takes hard work. Communication, compromising, growing together, and choosing forgiveness are all tools that have helped me in my five years of marriage. But the key to love and making marriage work is really all about choosing each other over and over again even during the moments that you don’t want to.