How to Fight Fair with Your Partner

February is the month of love, but just like with anything in life love and relationships are not perfect. You’ll fight, disagree, and argue. It is a normal part of life. I’ve had my share of fights with my husband over the years. These are some things I have learned along the way to help keep things fair and on an evening playing field when you argue.

Don’t bring up past issues

This is the biggest thing I have learned about arguments. If you constantly revert back to past hurts or issues you’ll never progress forward. How would you like it if your partner kept bringing up things you did in past arguments every time you fought about something different? You’d probably feel like they were always holding something over your head. Not a good way to build trust and progress forward in your relationship. Think of it this way: if you are bringing up things from the past it’s like you are holding it over the other person’s head.

Think before you speak

You don’t want to say something you’ll regret. Don’t let your anger or the heat of the moment make you say something you can’t take back. Words hold meaning and can damage even if you don’t mean them to. Just keep that in mind.

Find a compromise

Marriage is all about compromise. You’re never going to see eye to eye and agree on every single thing in life. When those situations arise you’ll need to be willing to give a little. You’ll have to find a compromise that works for both you and your partner at times.

Talk from your perspective

This is a big thing I learned in therapy. When you talk from your perspective (i.e. “I feel” not “you did”) it helps your partner to not feel attacked. When someone feels attacked they get defensive and closed off quicker.

Remember neither of you can read minds

This is such an important thing to remember. You are two different people with different feelings and ways you see things. Neither of you can read minds. Instead of implying or wanting your partner to just know how you feel you need to simply tell each other. You may be thinking one thing and your partner a completely different thing. Just be straightforward with each other to clear any confusion or misunderstandings.

Always tell the truth

No matter how painful it is, just tell the truth. The truth has a way of coming out eventually. Just be honest up front. There have been times where I feel like my husband has been a little too honest or I didn’t want to know certain things, but I’ve always been thankful for his honesty. I always know no matter what he’ll tell me the truth. It will keep your trust intact and your relationship strong.

Own up to your mistakes

No one is perfect and it takes two to tango. Always own up to your own mistakes and take responsibility for what you’ve done. Your relationship will thank you when you both own up to your own mistakes and not always blame each other.

Apologize and forgive

Life is too short to hold grudges and resentment. It will only make you bitter. So instead of doing that apologize and ask for forgiveness when you do something wrong. And better yet give forgiveness to your partner whether they ask for it or not. It will give you peace.

Remember you are on the same team

You and your partner are in this together. You’re on the same team. Sometimes it may not feel like it but you are. Try to remember that and instead of fighting against each other, fight FOR each other. This simple mindset shift has made a huge difference for me in my relationship.

I hope that these tips help you as they have me. Love is not perfect but it is a beautiful ride. You can move past disagreements in a more agreeable manner. What is your biggest advice for fighting fair? Share in the comments below.