Real Mom Talk: The Sleep Training Woes

Sleep training sucks. There I said it. If there is anyone out there who doesn’t think so, I have yet to meet them. All kids have to sleep train at some point to some extent. They all need to learn to self soothe and put themselves to sleep (or back to sleep) eventually.

Some people swear by the “cry it out” method. Others say avoid it like the plague. So what’s a drained and exhausted mom to do when you’re being pulled in different directions?

Forget about everyone else and do what works for YOU.

You know yourself and your baby better than anybody else. It’s so easy for others to give advice but just because you get suggestions doesn’t mean it will be what works best for you. The reason there are options with sleep training is that not every child is the same.

I had two very different experiences with both my kids when sleep training. With my daughter, I started sleep training her at 6 months. Up to that point, she had been sleeping in a pack n play in my room. She was still getting up multiple times a night to eat. I had gotten to the point where I wasn’t sleeping well (even when she was) because every little sound or movement she made woke me up. She was at the point of rolling and moving around in her sleep, so I decided to switch her to her own room/crib and start sleep training at the same time.

I started with naps. I got her used to her crib by putting her in it to play while I did stuff in her room so she’d grow to like it. Then I started putting her in the crib for nap times. When she was comfortable with naps then I started putting her in her crib overnight too.

For my daughter’s actual sleep training I stuck with the Ferber Method (aka Cry It Out). It was hard at first. I hated hearing her cry but I knew she needed to learn how to self soothe and put herself to sleep. During the time I was sleep training the days felt so long but now looking back they really didn’t last that long at all. And the best part? To this day my daughter happily goes to bed and plays until she puts herself to sleep!

I thought my daughter was hard but my son was even harder!

From early on my son refused to sleep in the pack n play and would only sleep in my arms or in the swing. We were displaced for months after he was born due to a hurricane. So for his first month of life, he slept in my arms at my family’s house. Then for months 1-9 of his life we lived in a temporary apartment where we only had the pack n play or swing as an option. He wouldn’t sleep in the pack n play no matter how hard I tried–so he slept in the swing.

Because we were only in a 2 bedroom apartment my son slept in our room the whole time. Cue momma not getting any sleep! It was so hard and frustrating not being able to move him into his own room at 6 months as I did with my daughter. Since we were in an apartment I couldn’t let him cry it out and since he was only sleeping in the swing he never learned to self soothe or put himself to sleep. He always had me calming him down or the swing rocking him to sleep. Talk about a stressful time! I can’t tell you how many times I complained about the situation to my husband.

We finally moved back home when our son was 9 months old. I got his crib set up ASAP and started putting him in his own room to sleep right away. It was not easy. We had a lot of things to work out. Most of it was out of our control like not being in our house for so long and not being able to have space for him to sleep train. But it was still incredibly hard. He wasn’t on any kind of schedule really because he refused to ever take naps. So not only did I have to sleep train but I also had to get him on a good schedule.

I started the Ferber Method again with him and he HATED it. For the first week, I tried putting him in his crib for just nap times and he would just scream. Nothing could console him. I’d go in and try to soothe him and he’d scream even worse. I didn’t know what to do and I felt like a horrible mom. I knew he was exhausted and needed sleep but he refused to sleep.

I researched more and looked into other options thinking maybe the Ferber Method just wasn’t for him. I tried a non-crying method where you basically sit with baby until they fall asleep and slowly ease your way into being able to just leave the room. It was supposed to help him learn to go to sleep without crying it out. I thought it was a great idea and he’d like it…but it did not work for us. He would scream even more having me in the room with him then if I wasn’t.

So back to the drawing board we went. I tried a couple of other things with him but nothing worked. I was more and more cranky and exhausted. I wanted to throw in the towel so many times but I held onto the dim glimmer of hope at the end of the tunnel. I kept reminding myself how hard it was with my daughter but we made it through and things were so great with her now.

With sleep training consistency is key.

The more you stick with one set routine and system the easier the child will learn to adapt. So I started the Ferber Method again and was determined to stick it out this time. Boy was it just as hard as the first time! For two straight weeks, I would lay my son down at 9 am for nap time. He would scream for hours straight until I got him up and fed him lunch regardless of how many times I went into his room to try and console him. Then after lunch, I’d lay him down a 2nd time and he’d scream until I got him up for dinner. At this time I also decided to just put him in his crib overnight too. He’d usually fall asleep before I laid him down for the night but he would sleep consistently all night. One win!

Very slowly but surely he started getting into the new routine. He started crying less after I was out of the room but would still scream when I was leaving. After about another week he started crying less and less. I remember the first time he didn’t cry at all when I left like it was yesterday. I was so happy I cried. All the hard work was finally paying off!

He is now completely sleep trained and doesn’t cry when I leave the room anymore. And he actually reaches to be put into his crib for bedtime! We just took our first family vacation and he slept in a pack n play the whole trip with no fussing or issue. It took probably close to a month to get to a happy place but we did it. And you can too!

Momma running on exhaustion fumes and still getting up multiple times a night with baby, I see you. Momma praying for the baby to get into a good routine and sleep well, I hear you. Momma feeling defeated and ready to give up, I feel you.

I see you.

I feel you.

I know you.

I’ve been exactly where you are. I know the struggles and tears. I know the crankiness and hope for change. It’s not always an easy road and it’s not always a quick road…but it is a road worth traveling. When you make it to your destination and reach your goal it makes it all that much more satisfying. You’ll feel accomplished, you’ll feel happier, and you’ll feel rested.

The sleep training phase is one of the biggest baby phases I both look forward to and dread at the same time. On one hand, I dread it because of how long the process can take. But on the other hand, once you do figure it out and get into a good sleeping routine it is such a blessing!

With both of my kids, sleep training was a process that took time. It isn’t easy but it is worth it. Stay consistent and you’ll start to see results.

I know it’s hard but you CAN do this!

Stay tuned for a follow-up blog post with tips and tricks to help you and your baby get into a good sleep training routine in a way that works for you both.